The Onion Gets It Right Again

Thank God For the Catholic Church

The Catholic Church is finally getting organized around the principle that you can't be a pro-choice politician and still call yourself a loyal Catholic. And their going to press Obama on the issue.

Expect many child molester jokes and insults to be directed at the church in the coming months. It's all the left has to fight back with.

Consumer Confidence Down Five Points Since Election Day

I'm sure this has nothing to do with Obama.

Let Them Eat Cake

Obama's will be pursuing his hair-brained policies as soon as he takes office in January, regardless of the condition of the economy, according to this report. I seriously doubt he'll actually pursue his tax cut for 95% of Americans, though. More likely that he'll say things were worse than he thought when he made that promise. I'm sure he'll follow through with the tax increase on the top 5% though, which should do wonders for the economy. Sort of like how the economy in 1932 was improving, until Hoover raised the sur-tax on everyone making over $100,000 a year from 20% to 50%, thus turning a depression into a great depression.

We Are NOT The World

It hasn't yet been a week since God-King Xerxes has been elected to the holy throne, and already the calls for globalization are sounding. Not the good kind of globalization, where we sell stuff to each other, but the icky communal type globalization where everyone is ruled by one great governmental body. Plus, they're talking about global taxes and regulations.

Cowboy Up Now While You Still Can

Gun sales are up in anticipation of a crackdown by Il Duce's jackbooted thugs attempting to silence our constitutional rights. As a gun owner, I'm not inclined to follow this path. I don't think it's a good Idea to run out and buy a whole bunch of guns right now. It's much smarter to buy one or two different guns, and then buy a whole bunch of ammo. Stocking up on guns and then forgetting to stock up on ammo is an amature mistake.

Remember: Shop smart. You may only have one shot at this.

EU voices strong concern over Russian missiles

Expect them to follow that up with a strongly worded letter. Il Duce will follow up by saying "This isn't the Russia I used to know."

No S__T, Sherlock

The Washington Post has an article indicating that their coverage of the election was bias toward Barack Obama.
Glad they cleared that up for us, because we NEVER would have figured that out on our own.

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

Well, not exactly dead, but on his way out, at least.

They're Already Messuring His Approval Numbers

And they match his victory total from two nights ago. Go figure.