The Onion Gets It Right Again

Thank God For the Catholic Church

The Catholic Church is finally getting organized around the principle that you can't be a pro-choice politician and still call yourself a loyal Catholic. And their going to press Obama on the issue.

Expect many child molester jokes and insults to be directed at the church in the coming months. It's all the left has to fight back with.

Consumer Confidence Down Five Points Since Election Day

I'm sure this has nothing to do with Obama.

Let Them Eat Cake

Obama's will be pursuing his hair-brained policies as soon as he takes office in January, regardless of the condition of the economy, according to this report. I seriously doubt he'll actually pursue his tax cut for 95% of Americans, though. More likely that he'll say things were worse than he thought when he made that promise. I'm sure he'll follow through with the tax increase on the top 5% though, which should do wonders for the economy. Sort of like how the economy in 1932 was improving, until Hoover raised the sur-tax on everyone making over $100,000 a year from 20% to 50%, thus turning a depression into a great depression.

We Are NOT The World

It hasn't yet been a week since God-King Xerxes has been elected to the holy throne, and already the calls for globalization are sounding. Not the good kind of globalization, where we sell stuff to each other, but the icky communal type globalization where everyone is ruled by one great governmental body. Plus, they're talking about global taxes and regulations.

Cowboy Up Now While You Still Can

Gun sales are up in anticipation of a crackdown by Il Duce's jackbooted thugs attempting to silence our constitutional rights. As a gun owner, I'm not inclined to follow this path. I don't think it's a good Idea to run out and buy a whole bunch of guns right now. It's much smarter to buy one or two different guns, and then buy a whole bunch of ammo. Stocking up on guns and then forgetting to stock up on ammo is an amature mistake.

Remember: Shop smart. You may only have one shot at this.

EU voices strong concern over Russian missiles

Expect them to follow that up with a strongly worded letter. Il Duce will follow up by saying "This isn't the Russia I used to know."

No S__T, Sherlock

The Washington Post has an article indicating that their coverage of the election was bias toward Barack Obama.
Glad they cleared that up for us, because we NEVER would have figured that out on our own.

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

Well, not exactly dead, but on his way out, at least.

They're Already Messuring His Approval Numbers

And they match his victory total from two nights ago. Go figure.

Poll: Most Agree On Color Of The Sky

As the presidential campaign comes to a close, a majority of voters (51%) say most reporters have tried to help Barack Obama win the presidency. Just seven percent (7%) think they tried to help John McCain.

The fact that only 51% can see this is testament to just how bad things have gotten in this country.

It's Your Problem Now, Motherfraker!

Bush is washing his hands of the whole thing. I don't blame him. I would, too, if I had gone through the hell he's gone through the past eight years. I didn't always agree with him, but I'm glad he was our President. He kept us safe.

I'm sure that the loony leftists are now worried that Obama may get the same treatment.

They should be.

Or Maybe They Haven't

Here. And Here.

Gay Rights Leaders Concede California's Same-Sex Marriage Ban Has Passed

Here.

Is "Change" Now A Government Agency?

Here.

Read My Lips

Damn, I used to like Arnold, but now that the last obstacle to him turning into a pantywaisted liberal has been removed (i.e. any Republican control in Washington), he's out raising taxes.
California's done. Stick a fork in it.

The Obama Economy

Is this what he meant by change? Seems like more of the same to me.

The Blame Game Begins

They're already blaming Sarah Palin for McCain's loss, even though she was the one bright spot in what was otherwise a mediocre at best campaign.
Whatever. It won't work. We haven't seen the last of her. She will return in four years, a conqueror.

Impeach Obama?

Wow, that didn't take long. I admire the enthusiasim, but shouldn't we like, wait for him to do something impeachable before we try to impeach him?

Are We Vulnerable?

The US Military is concerned that the country may be vulnerable to a terrorist attack during the Presidential transition period. With all due respect to the Joint Chiefs, I think they should be more worried about the TRUE vulnerable period AFTER the transition. DURING the transition, Bush is still the President, and can act accordingly.

Chickens Come Home To Roost

NBC's employee buyout program isn't working out too well. Maybe if they weren't so corrupt and bias in thier news reporting, they would have more viewers and be in better financial shape. Of course, it doesn't help when your parent company, GE, is trading with the enemy in a time of war.

Even Leftists Agree: Rahm Emanuel Is An Ass

Looks like not everyone is happy with Il Duce's choice for Chief Of Staff.

The World Is Saved! All Hail Our Lord And Savior!

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and you can fool some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.

-Abraham Lincoln

These are the people you can fool all of the time. I wish I had their addresses. I could sell them all kinds of bunk shit and make a fortune. They're the kind of people who keep the penile-enlargement industry afloat.

Obama victory met with job losses, market mayhem

See? The Ozombies may think that Il Duce is going to heal the planet with his hopety-changeness, but the market isn't fooled by his rhetoric.

Where's My Money?!

So now that the messiah has been elected, where's all the loot he promised? I'm pretty damn poor right now. Where's my check. I filled up my tank today, how come I had to pay for it myself. Which agency do I have to contact with my landlord's address so that I can have my rent mailed directly to him? My heating bill is starting to get a little high, too. Obama needs to either step up or step aside.

Obama victory sparks cheers around the globe

I guess they're happy that we'll finally get in line with the rest of the world. Because we know how good they have it, with their dirt-poor, disarmed citizen/subjects, their collapsing socialist economies, their human rights violations, and their military juntas machine-gunning anyone with an IQ over 100. That sounds like a blast. Just what we need here.

The More Things Change...

The more they stay the same. So much for a new direction. Obama's first choice for his administration is someone from the Clinton administration. The sheer newness of it all is just mindboggling to me.
Wasn't Rahm Emanuel the one who just last night was slamming a steak knife into the table shouting "Dead! Dead! Dead!" as he rolled off a list of Obama's enimies.
That's a nice hopey-changey bi-partisan way to start things off, don't you agree?

The Testing Begins

Biden warned us that our enemies would test Obama. Apparently, they aren't even going to wait for him to take office to start.

Time To Go Underground

The Chair Is Against The Wall....

And so the Obama Resistance begins. At this point it appears that he has won the election, and so there is nothing left to do but hold on tight and try to survive the ride. We can pray that the various stupid policy ideas he has endorsed during the campaign were just talk, but that’s all it will most likely be: hope. The Fairness Doctrine, which he supports, will be used to stifle free speech on the right. His environmental regulations will bankrupt the coal industry, which provides 50% of our nation’s energy, and will drive electricity prices through the roof. His national security policies will invite aggression from our enemies, and put the continued existence of the state of Israel in doubt.

It’s time to muster our forces for a counter-attack in 2010. We need to pick a good candidate for 2012, because of the seven or so candidates we had to choose from in 2008, we managed to pick one of the weakest available. John McCain may have been a war hero, but he was a thud as a Presidential candidate. The only bright spot of the campaign was Sarah Palin, who now, thankfully, becomes the de facto head of the conservative movement and the Republican front runner for 2012. She can go back to Alaska, where she has an 82% approval rate, and continue to gain executive experience for four years. She’ll be ready in 2012.

Barack Obama is apparently going to be our first black President. (Bill Clinton not withstanding.)

Hopefully Sarah Palin will be our first female President in four years.